I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
