you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
