i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
