That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
