Jerry, you need to find god
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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