I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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