oh god the rape fog is back!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize