is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
50% drunk capacity currently
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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