final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
