Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize