"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize