i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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