Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
