I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
