it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
