I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize