your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
