You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
