i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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