best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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