I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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