They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
