dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize