Don't make out with my wife yet
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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