ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
