Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
