You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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