help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
