ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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