Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
