Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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