Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
