she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
