and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
