CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
