I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
