wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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