I met the friendliest cop last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hippo gnu deer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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