Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I look better un-naked...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
