...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
