the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
