mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
