she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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