I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
