She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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