I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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