so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
