bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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