I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
