As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
