If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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