i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
