I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize