so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize