I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
