Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
