I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
