I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
