and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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