hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
