While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
