He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
