this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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