And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
