Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
