please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
