I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
