If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
