she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
