I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
