Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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