Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
