PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
