u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
